F YOU’RE SITTING in a cocktail lounge, you’ll notice people placing cash into a jar on top of the piano. Once the lucre has been paid, the cocktail pianist plays whatever tune is requested. In other words, you put money into a jar and the person in charge of the music plays your favorite song. That may be an excellent procedure for a cocktail lounge, but the public worship of Almighty God isn’t a cocktail lounge. (At least I’ve never considered it to be.) At the same time, couples want their weddings to be perfect—which is both understandable and natural. So it becomes a type of “balancing act” wherein reasonable compromise is important.
Regarding Weddings • When being hired as organist or choirmaster for Catholic weddings, I believe it’s crucial to “give no quarter” to what might be called THE COCKTAIL PIANIST MENTALITY. That is to say, the bride and groom assume that once they pay the musician a small fee, he must play whatever they request.* Over the years, we’ve received countless inquiries asking how much musicians should charge for weddings. While I don’t pretend to have all the answers, feel free to examine the pay-scale chart I’ve used for years at my parish:
* PDF Download • WEDDING PAYMENT SHEET
—Given to those requesting Nuptial Masses, Quinceañeras, and other “special” Masses.
Weddings Are No Joke • I’ve been handling music at weddings for more than twenty years. I still get nervous for each one. I still take each one seriously. I am eminently aware that those getting married want everything perfect, just like they always dreamed. Indeed, I spent about a year preparing for my own wedding, and even constructed my own High Altar for our ceremony, which the local ecclesiastical authorities gave permission for—provided it was destroyed after the wedding!
A “Super Strict” Priest • For years, I played the pipe organ for weddings (and conducted choirs) for free, as a volunteer. I gained a lot of experience. I remember one priest who was “super strict.” His sister was getting married, and I volunteered to provide the choir and play the pipe organ for free. The priest’s sister had her heart set on me beginning the ceremony by playing the theme song from MASTERPIECE THEATRE. I was shocked, because that’s secular music. I felt certain the “ultra traditional” priest would immediately shoot down the idea. However, he was fine with it—undoubtably because his sister was the one asking—and that taught me a valuable lesson. I also spent a lot of time (without remuneration) transcribing the MASTERPIECE THEATRE for pipe organ. That taught me a valuable lesson as well.
Never Forget This! • Musicians always want to offer their very best for weddings. I suspect they’re almost never paid a just wage for what they provide. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but below are some tips I’ve picked up along the way. In terms of your interaction with those hiring you for a wedding, do everything through email. That way everything gets documented (minimizing the potential for confusion and misunderstandings). The bride and groom will usually demand endless meetings in person with you. They are excited. They want their day to be extra special. Never agree to such meetings! Providing a piece of paper with your policies and prices does not require a face-to-face meeting. It’s absolutely crucial that—throughout the entire process—you always frame things as: “This is what we’re able to offer.” In other words, the musician is not a slave. The musician can only offer what he can offer. Those hiring you are free to accept or reject your services. What they are not free to do (in my opinion) is “modify” or “revise” or “nitpick” what you offer.
Horror Stories • I could tell you unbelievable horror stories about weddings. I suspect many readers could do likewise. I remember warning our priest over and over again about a particular couple. I knew this couple was always tardy. Indeed, I refused to hire a choir for that wedding (since I knew the couple was always shamefully tardy for everything). When all was said and done, they showed up two hours (!) late for their wedding. I’ll never forget seeing the priest sit there waiting patiently—fully clothed in his vestments—for two solid hours.
What Will Never Happen • Never expect anyone to warn you when the wedding is about to begin. In 20+ years, not once have I ever been given proper notification that the bride is going to start walking. (Perhaps before I die it will happen; but so far it never has.) Often, the WEDDING COORDINATOR or altar boy will come and say to you: “The wedding is about to start!” But often they’re wrong. In other words, they’ll tell you to start playing—even though the bride doesn’t actually begin walking for another 25 minutes. This free collection of interludes for manuals only has a wonderful wedding PROCESSIONAL that can be repeated over and over again. My advice to organists would be: Never trust anyone vis-à-vis when the wedding will begin. Situate yourself in such a way that you can physically observe when the wedding party starts walking down the aisle. In my experience, that’s the only way you’ll know when the wedding is actually beginning. If I had a nickel for every time a WEDDING COORDINATOR or altar boy lied to me about when a wedding was starting, I’d be rich.
Hymns And Songs • Sometimes a bride or groom will request inappropriate songs for a wedding. The best plan is to obtain a solid hymnal, such as the Brébeuf Catholic Hymnal, and simply say to the couple: “This book has about 800 hymns; whatever you find inside is fully appropriate and can be chosen.” Done! If the bride or groom is adamant about a particular secular song, gently say: “You know, that song might be quite moving to have performed at your wedding reception.” Some of the Brébeuf hymns are extremely “bright” and “happy”—which might be nice for a wedding:
Final Word Of Warning • Never allow individual singers to “volunteer” to sing a wedding. Often, they will “volunteer”—then cancel shortly before the wedding starts. Perhaps they don’t feel like singing the wedding. Perhaps they decide at the last minute they have another priority. Since they aren’t getting paid, they feel they can cancel without any issues. If someone insists on volunteering, say: “Here’s the procedure. I’ll get payment (for you) from the wedding couple, and you can give it right back to them—as a wedding present—as soon as the wedding is over.” Believe it or not, they usually end up deciding to keep the money. That’s because they don’t realize weddings take up one’s entire Saturday. And that’s why people who promised you a billion times they’d “sing for free” usually end up keeping their stipend—or at least a portion of it.
* Zero consideration is given to the hours and hours required to teach a choir, for example, a Mass setting by Lassus, Josquin, or Morales. Moreover, learning the pitches and rhythm is just the beginning. A choir must sing a piece together many times before it “meshes” or “clicks” properly. In my seminar, I spent a long time demonstrating rehearsal techniques that help assure a solid and artistic performance.
