A few months ago, I had a bride call to ask me if they could have the theme for “Beauty and the Beast” played during their wedding Mass. My first thought was: She could very well be the beauty, but my heavens, what does the groom look like?!
Assisting engaged couples with their wedding music can be one of the most rewarding—and sometimes one of the most challenging—aspects of parish music ministry. Every couple brings their own hopes, tastes, and expectations into the process, often shaped by what they’ve seen in movies, on television, or across social media. They imagine the perfect “walk down the aisle” moment underscored by a love song that carries personal meaning. Yet within the context of the Catholic wedding Mass, the goal of sacred music is not to showcase sentimentality or individual preference, but to glorify God and reflect the sacred reality of the Sacrament taking place.
Who Marries Whom? • It’s important for couples to be actively involved in planning the music for their wedding, because they are not mere spectators—they are the principal ministers of the Sacrament of Matrimony. The priest, deacon, or bishop does not “marry” the couple in the same sense; rather, the couple confers the sacrament upon one another. The ordained minister serves as the Church’s official witness to this covenant. As the Order of Celebrating Matrimony states, “In the Latin Church, it is the spouses themselves who, as ministers of Christ’s grace, mutually confer upon each other the Sacrament of Matrimony by expressing their consent before the Church” (no. 75). This reality means that couples should indeed participate thoughtfully in preparing their wedding liturgy—especially in choosing music that reflects both their love for one another and their love for Christ, who is the true source of all love.
However, when problematic music choices arise, they often reveal a deeper misunderstanding of what the Catholic wedding is—and what it is not. A Catholic wedding, particularly when celebrated within the Holy Mass, is not a private ceremony centered on personal taste or romantic expression. It is first and foremost a sacred act of worship, oriented toward Jesus Christ and the Paschal Mystery made present on the altar. The couple’s vows take place in the context of the Eucharistic Sacrifice, where Christ gives Himself in total love to His Bride, the Church. The music, therefore, should help draw all present into this profound mystery—not distract from it with secular or sentimental associations.
A helpful introduction • For parish music directors, navigating these waters requires both pastoral sensitivity and firm liturgical formation. One of the most effective ways to foster understanding is through clear and charitable communication. At my parish, I share the following introductory statement with every couple preparing for marriage. It sets the tone for our collaboration while grounding the process in the Church’s vision for sacred music. Here is a generic version:
“The following music planning guide is intended to be used as suggestions by helping couples choose from many selections of available music that are acceptable to Catholic wedding liturgies here at St. Miscellaneous Parish. This is not an exhaustive list of music selections but should be considered a guide in liturgical preparation for weddings.
St. Miscellaneous has a rich history of Sacred music, which glorifies God through theologically rich hymnody, chant, and polyphonic works. Couples should choose music that glorifies both their nuptial union, and the Lord Jesus Christ, who is made present on the Altar at the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. Note: The parish only permits the organ to lead Mass music. Piano and guitar could be utilized for perhaps the Wedding Reception. Also, the parish does not sing ‘Contemporary Christian Music’ within the Mass, as the theological nature of the music – and their composers – are often at odds with Catholic teaching concerning the nature of the Mass and the Sacraments.
All music selections – including those outside of this list – should be approved by the music director. Secular music choices (non-sacred) should be reserved for perhaps the Wedding Reception.”
This statement establishes a pastoral yet firm foundation. It reminds couples that while their wedding day is deeply personal, it is also a public act of the Church’s worship. By choosing music that glorifies God, honors the sacredness of the Mass, and reflects the beauty of Catholic tradition, couples are invited into something far greater than sentiment—they are invited into the mystery of divine love itself.
When couples understand that their marriage mirrors Christ’s love for His Church, the music they choose begins to reflect that reality: timeless, reverent, and oriented toward heaven. And for those of us who serve as music directors, there are few greater joys than helping them discover that beauty.
It’s a tale as old as time.
