Jeff Ostrowski Writes: “We love receiving messages from readers. The following email—from a lady named Charlotte—came in response to an article about wedding prices posted on 19 April 2024. The document I posted seems to have been welcome; it was downloaded more than 1,240 times. I never know which posts will be of interest to our readers; e.g. I wish I could get 1,240 people to watch the (free) 51-minute introduction to my seminar.”
The following came from Charlotte M.
[We usually redact names for anonymity’s sake.]
EAR JEFFREY: Thanks so much for your recent article about wedding prices. I loathe playing at weddings. The compensation is always too low for what we’re asked to do. Our parish only suggests $125 per musician (accompanist or cantor) which is minuscule considering my husband and I paid our musicians $100 each nearly 20 years ago! I’m not paid any salary for my services on Sunday, despite accompanying two Masses most weekends. Plus, I direct a children’s choir. No musician in our parish (and probably our archdiocese) is paid, despite the many, many hours we put in. But seeing your suggested payments makes me realize I could ask for more. Perhaps I will even get brave enough someday to ask for a small stipend for my regular Sunday work. Weddings I loathe … mainly because it’s all about the bride’s “perfect day”, and I don’t think a single wedding has happened without at least one inappropriate song request (despite my lengthy standard email full of suggestions and YouTube links to more appropriate material). I’m left as the “bad guy” when I refuse such requests. I attend an Ordinary Form parish, meaning most people who get married here do not have a serious attachment to our faith (I’m sorry to report). To top it all off, I frequently am forced to “chase down” couples for payment, although I like your idea of them paying 30 days in advance.
Funerals, on the other hand, I love. They are, in a sense, no less time-consuming for me, but it’s time I spend joyfully. The most common scenario is that, sadly, the children and grandchildren of the deceased are no longer practicing their faith, but having a funeral Mass was important to their loved one. I take the time to walk them through the Mass and what music is available to them to pick. When they are at a genuine loss for what to pick, I will ask questions to get to know their mom/dad/grandparents and ask about what kinds of things they had at home: Did they have a favourite Rosary? A statute of Mary? What kind of art did they display (sometimes gives clues to a devotion to a saint, etc.)? I can usually zero in on hymns that will light up their face and have meaning. It’s a journey I love walking with them. Plus, I am always paid on time and sometimes find extra in the envelope … so that’s a nice change! I really enjoy this type of post in which you share the nitty-gritty of the mechanics of how you do your job. A lot of us either make it up as we go along, or inherit a system of “well, that’s how it’s always been”—which is frustrating to say the least! Now that my busy season for my paying job is coming to an end for another year—I do admin work for my local performing arts festival, because as many musicians know, it’s hard to have “playing music” as your only job!—I might actually have time to devote to your seminar! Thanks for your organization and may God bless you.
