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“A much greater source of anxiety to Us is the style of action of those who maintain that liturgical worship should shed its sacred character, who foolishly say we should substitute for sacred items & furnishings ordinary common things in daily use.” —Pope Saint Paul VI (14 Oct 1968)

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Views from the Choir Loft

Does Having Children Make Us Better at Our Jobs?

Richard J. Clark · April 12, 2013

HERE IS LIFE B.C. and A.C. – “Before Children” and “After Children.” To be a musician, full-time or not, brings with it an alternative lifestyle and schedule. My professional life “B.C.” was certainly devoted almost exclusively to being the best musician that I could be. It was important that I seized the opportunities to grow and learn at every moment. I was involved in all kinds of music, not just sacred music. The world was full of possibilities and I had several avenues to pursue.

It’s also important to note that by nature I am NOT a morning person. 11pm and beyond were my peak hours for practice, composing, songwriting, and recording. Although living on the East Coast, it is safe to say my hours were consistent with the Hawaiian time zone.

I vowed to myself not to get married before the age of 30 (which I accomplished rather easily), but upon meeting the love of my life, I couldn’t get married fast enough.

Meanwhile, at my full-time job at St. Cecilia Parish (where I have been employed since the age of 20), not having children afforded me the opportunity to develop the music programs in what was a dying parish. Then nearly ten years ago the scope of my job changed drastically. We had a new pastor, merged with another parish, and a few years later, were the welcoming parish for yet another closed parish. Putting in about 60 or more hours per week (more or less doing the work of two to three parishes by myself), these mergers demanded a great deal of pastoral sensitivity, and exponentially more administrative work. For some years, I was constantly on the fence of whether to stay or to leave this job, but I felt I had to stay and see this process through. (I am glad I did, as I have been greatly blessed through it all.)

However, during this critical juncture in the life of our parish, I never could have handled this workload if I had children. Ironically, working in ministry for the Church is often not conducive to family life. Working nights and weekends away from family, often for low pay makes having children in the picture difficult. (This also gives perspective to the unmarried state of religious life.)

Then the light of my life, my daughter, was born; two years later, the other light of my life, my son, was born.

Life “A.C.” is very different. My job no longer comes first. (A must read on this topic is by Andrew Motyka: The Church Music Director: Job or Vocation?) I am no longer available to put in flexible unlimited amount of hours. When running rehearsals in the evening, I am often having difficulty concentrating, given that my son makes sure we are always awake by 5 am. While also directing three different choirs every Sunday and responsible for a dozen or so liturgies per week, I am often scattered, occasionally irritable when I need to be cheerful with volunteers, and all too often produce embarrassing typos on worship aids and concert programs. (My favorite typo was: Psalm 33:4: “Uptight is the word of the Lord.” Oops.) Since having children, there are days when I feel overwhelmed, that I have failed my choir(s), have been less than charitable when I need to be, and I have failed the standards of my profession. In a profession that requires work on holidays, weekends, and evenings, the tension between family and job is one I struggle with every day. To be fully present to my children and being a dad means placing even more limits on my professional life. But sometimes, that choice too is out of my hands. But this is the life I have chosen and I would not have it any other way.

So how could having children possibly make me better at a job? Parenthood certainly has gotten me closer in touch with failure and feeling out of control. Since having children my life is no longer my own. Perhaps this is the key to faith.

At my son’s baptism, I held my two-year-old daughter in my arms during the Rite. I was exhausted as all new parents are. I knew the words were coming, but when I heard them, it hit me like a ton of bricks—now emblazoned in my memory and in my heart: “I claim you for Christ.” I felt the profundity of the choice parents make for their children, that God will be the center of our family.

In my children, I found God. I found God in my family, and not just at church, and not just in my professional life as a church musician. Perhaps this is what I personally needed, (and not to judge that this is what everyone needs.) Children have helped me focus on what and who is important.

Hopefully, I am more patient than I used to be. I laugh now when a child cries or screams during the pianissimo section of Bruckner’s “Pange Lingua”. Or when a parent is changing a diaper on the stairs to the choir loft, I tell them not to worry — I understand! But those are very little things. Often the words of St. Bernard of Clairvaux, “Quid Hoc ad Aeternitatem?” come to mind. “What does this mean for eternity?” While life as a parent is far more scattered, my internal prayer life and my focus on what truly matters has a little bit more clarity than it used to. Hopefully my relationship with the people I serve has improved. I don’t know, but I certainly hope so, and I pray it has.

I found God in my family, and no matter what the daily struggles, I am left with a profound sense of gratitude to be the luckiest man alive.

Opinions by blog authors do not necessarily represent the views of Corpus Christi Watershed.

Filed Under: Articles Last Updated: January 1, 2020

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About Richard J. Clark

Richard J. Clark is the Director of Music of the Archdiocese of Boston and the Cathedral of the Holy Cross.—(Read full biography).

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Corpus Christi Watershed

President’s Corner

    Simplest “Agnus Dei” Ever Published
    Our choir is on break during the month of July. I needed a relatively simple “Agnus Dei,” so I composed this setting for organ & voice in honor of Saint René Goupil. It has been called the simplest setting ever composed. I love CARMEN GREGORIANUM (“Gregorian Chant”), especially the ALLELUIAS, INTROITS, and COMMUNION ANTIPHONS. That being said, some have pointed out that certain sections of the Kyriale aren’t as strong as the Graduale or Vesperale. There’s a reason for this—but it would be too complicated to explain at this moment.
    —Jeff Ostrowski
    14th Sunday in Ordinary Time (Year C)
    Our choir is on break during the month of July. However, on the feasts website, the chants have been posted for the 14th Sunday in Ordinary Time (Year C), which is this coming Sunday: 6 July 2025.
    —Jeff Ostrowski
    Bugnini’s Statement (6 November 1966)
    With each passing day, more is revealed about how the enemies of the liturgy accomplished their goals. For instance, Hannibal Bugnini deeply resented the way Vatican II said Gregorian Chant “must be given first place in liturgical services.” On 6 November 1966, his cadre wrote a letter attempting to justify the elimination of Gregorian Chant with this brazen statement: “What really gives a Mass its tone is not so much the songs as it is the prayers and readings.” Bugnini’s cadre then attacked the very heart of Gregorian Chant (viz. the Proprium Missae), bemoaning how the Proprium Missae “is completely new each Sunday and feast day.” There is much more to be said about this topic. Stay tuned.
    —Jeff Ostrowski

Quick Thoughts

    Pope Pius XII Hymnal?
    Have you ever heard of the Pope Pius XII Hymnal? It’s a real book, published in the United States in 1959. Here’s a sample page so you can verify with your own eyes it existed.
    —Corpus Christi Watershed
    “Hybrid” Chant Notation?
    Over the years, many have tried to ‘simplify’ plainsong notation. The O’Fallon Propers attempted to simplify the notation—but ended up making matters worse. Dr. Karl Weinmann tried to do the same in the time of Pope Saint Pius X by replacing each porrectus. You can examine a specimen from his edition and see whether you agree he complicated matters. In particular, look at what he did with éxsules fílii Hévae.
    —Corpus Christi Watershed
    Antiphons Don’t Match?
    A reader wants to know why the Entrance and Communion antiphons in certain publications deviate from what’s prescribed by the GRADUALE ROMANUM published after Vatican II. Click here to read our answer. The short answer is: the Adalbert Propers were never intended to be sung. They were intended for private Masses only (or Masses without music). The “Graduale Parvum,” published by the John Henry Newman Institute of Liturgical Music in 2023, mostly uses the Adalbert Propers—but sometimes uses the GRADUALE text: e.g. Solemnity of Saints Peter and Paul (29 June).
    —Corpus Christi Watershed

Random Quote

I want to say one thing to you strongly, especially today: virginity for the Kingdom of God is not a “no,” it is a “yes!”

— Pope Francis (10/4/2013)

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