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Jesus said to them: “I have come into this world so that a sentence may fall upon it, that those who are blind should see, and those who see should become blind. If you were blind, you would not be guilty. It is because you protest, ‘We can see clearly,’ that you cannot be rid of your guilt.”

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Views from the Choir Loft

Why are you sad, O my soul?

Veronica Brandt · April 18, 2020

When I was making draft hymnbooks, I cut pictures from old calendars to adorn the front covers. This one really struck me at the time.

“Christ in the Desert” by Ivan Kramskoi (1872)

Maybe it’s so stereotypically Russian. Maybe it summed up what I was feeling at the time, arranging compromises on what to include in the books, printing 30 copies of close to 300 page books, cutting into my thumb through the thumbnail with the guillotine, gluing and covering each book, finding typos every other week. Finding out halfway through the design stage that Corpus Christi Watershed were producing the Campion Hymnal which would have served admirably had our budget been ten times bigger. Or had we had a budget.

A handful of the surviving draft hymnbooks

Now I find myself in a very different situation.

At first I was anxious and even may have been depressed. I thought too much about exponential curves and washing my hands. I even looked forward to isolation if it meant less worry.

Now it is over a month since I last attended Mass. Which is a pretty short time in the bigger scheme of things. I am able to sing Compline each night with my family. We say the rosary together. I can watch a livestream of our local FSSP Mass every morning. But I still feel sad.

Mass on the big screen in our cluttered living room.

I usually worry a lot about the Easter ceremonies. The last few years my responsibility has mainly been for the Easter Sunday Mass, which was fairly sparsely attended anyway. Then there was going to be a week of Easter Masses for a homeschool camp. All cancelled.

I guess I am relieved that I don’t bear that responsibility. I am glad to be able to sit with my little children and point out what happens during Mass on a screen in our living room. I am glad my bigger children still feel the importance of attending Mass in some form. But I still feel sad.

Then, in an online talk, our priest pointed out that it is alright to feel sad. The loss of receiving Communion is a real thing. There are tragedies unfolding all over the world. The other alternative would be indifference, and that would be a real tragedy.

At the beginning of Vetus Ordo Mass, the priest recites the psalm that goes: Quare tristis es, anima mea, et quare conturbas me? Why are you sad, O my soul, and why dost thou disquiet me? The next line answers: Spera in Deo Hope in the Lord, I will again be praising thee.

I remember finding it hard to understand what Hope means. It helped me to learn about the two sins against the virtue of Hope: Presumption and Despair. I couldn’t get a grip on what Hope meant without seeing its absence. When we are content with life, then hope seems irrelevant. When we are thrown into a storm, then we feel that defiant struggle to stand upright and keep our eyes on the goal.

This year I had expected to have an easier time. I had three children enrolled in outside education. I was looking forward to calmly homeschooling just two children with time over to play with the pre-schooler. Now I have six children home, including Four Teenage Boys, so maybe it’s just as well I’m not leading any choral endeavours right now!

So, I am still sad, but I see a big challenge and I know that God gives us the grace necessary to serve Him in this life and to obtain eternal life in the next. I won’t be indifferent. I won’t forget God. I’ll put time aside every day to make a Spiritual Communion. I’ll keep finding ways to help my family. It’s not the path I was expecting, but God knows what He’s doing.

Opinions by blog authors do not necessarily represent the views of Corpus Christi Watershed.

Filed Under: Articles Last Updated: April 18, 2020

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About Veronica Brandt

Veronica Brandt holds a Bachelor Degree in Electrical Engineering. She lives near Sydney, Australia, with her husband and six children.—(Read full biography).

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Corpus Christi Watershed

President’s Corner

    “Music List” • 4th Sunday of Easter (Year C)
    Some have expressed interest in perusing the ORDER OF MUSIC I prepared for the 4th Sunday of Easter (11 May 2025). If such a thing interests you, feel free to download it as a PDF file. I don’t know a more gorgeous ENTRANCE CHANT than the one given there: Misericórdia Dómini Plena Est Terra.
    —Jeff Ostrowski
    “Entrance Chant” • 4th Sunday of Easter
    You can download the ENTRANCE ANTIPHON in English for the 4th Sunday of Easter (11 May 2025). Corresponding to the vocalist score is this free organ accompaniment. The English adaptation matches the authentic version (Misericórdia Dómini), which is in a somber yet gorgeous mode. If you’re someone who enjoys rehearsal videos, this morning I tried to sing it while simultaneously accompanying my voice on the pipe organ.
    —Jeff Ostrowski
    Music List • “Repertoire for Weddings”
    Not everyone thinks about sacred music 24/7 like we do. When couples are getting married, they often request “suggestions” or “guidance” or a “template” for their musical selections. I created this music list with repertoire suggestions for Catholic weddings. Please feel free to download it if you believe it might give you some ideas or inspiration.
    —Jeff Ostrowski

Quick Thoughts

    Antiphons Don’t Match?
    A reader wants to know why the Entrance and Communion antiphons in certain publications deviate from what’s prescribed by the GRADUALE ROMANUM published after Vatican II. Click here to read our answer. The short answer is: the Adalbert Propers were never intended to be sung. They were intended for private Masses only (or Masses without music). The “Graduale Parvum,” published by the John Henry Newman Institute of Liturgical Music in 2023, mostly uses the Adalbert Propers—but sometimes uses the GRADUALE text: e.g. Solemnity of Saints Peter and Paul (29 June).
    —Corpus Christi Watershed
    When to Sit, Stand and Kneel like it’s 1962
    There are lots of different guides to postures for Mass, but I couldn’t find one which matched our local Latin Mass, so I made this one: sit-stand-kneel-crop
    —Veronica Brandt
    The Funeral Rites of the Graduale Romanum
    Lately I have been paging through the 1974 Graduale Romanum (see p. 678 ff.) and have been fascinated by the funeral rites found therein, especially the simply-beautiful Psalmody that is appointed for all the different occasions before and after the funeral Mass: at the vigil/wake, at the house of the deceased, processing to the church, at the church, processing to the cemetery, and at the cemetery. Would that this “stational Psalmody” of the Novus Ordo funeral rites saw wider usage! If you or anyone you know have ever used it, please do let me know.
    —Daniel Tucker

Random Quote

I want to say one thing to you strongly, especially today: virginity for the Kingdom of God is not a “no,” it is a “yes!”

— Pope Francis (10/4/2013)

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