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Views from the Choir Loft

“I will fear no evils, for thou art with me.”

Jeff Ostrowski · June 23, 2016

411 custom composing desk HIS MORNING, A MEMORY came to me. It was in 2005, saying farewell to my younger brother. Having risen at 4:00am and packed everything I owned into my car, I was about to embark upon a 1,000 mile drive where a job was waiting for me. Until that moment, it had never occurred to me that I was leaving home forever. I quickly ran upstairs and said farewell to my brother (although he was still half asleep). As I was pulling out of the driveway, it hit me powerfully: I’m leaving my home and family forever.

John A. O’Brien wrote about St. Gabriel Lalemant that “he was grateful to his family, most particularly to his mother, for a childhood of rare happiness and love.” I cannot read those words without calling to mind the childhood my parents gave us. Words cannot describe the happiness and love that was mine. There was suffering, too; but that’s a good thing. I don’t regret a moment of it, because suffering is a necessary part of life. Music was a huge part of my life—and that of my brother, Mark. We spent hours enjoying and playing music: Chopin, Palestrina, Schubert, Mozart, Brahms, and 10,000 others. Whenever I hear certain pieces, my mind is no longer in the year 2016—I’m brought back to the 1990s. Here’s an example, played by a Hofmann pupil:

    * *  Mp3 • Pavane for a Dead Princess

I remember my brother Mark playing that piece. Indeed, I’ll never forget it.

Anyway, I drove off in 2005, and had many adventures. I experienced more in those years than I can describe. I lived in a really bad part of Corpus Christi, suffered abuse at the hands of priests, met some fantastic people, underwent unbelievable escapades, and learned some amazing skills. (I also met the love of my life.) I don’t know how I had energy for it all, but I did.

I ALMOST NEVER LOOK BACK ON MY LIFE. I’m always: “forward, forward, forward.” But maybe I should spend more time looking back, because doing so helps me realize God has always been with me. He has guided me and taken care of me—in ways I cannot fully explain at this moment—and I did not deserve this. Psalm 22 comes to my mind over and over again:

Though I should walk in the midst of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evils, for thou art with me.

Many of you know I’ve been struggling with catastrophic health issues for the last three years. For a time, I felt I might die. Now I seem to be on the road to recovery, but there is still great suffering. Bringing to mind what God has done for me—the marvelous things He has done for me, especially through the gift of my parents—has given me strength to go forward.

St. John Vianney was once overheard speaking directly to the Lord. (Vianney was a mystic frequently in the presence of God, angels, and saints.) Vianney had been suffering for a long time—especially with penances & mortifications for the holy souls in Purgatory—and our Lord asked him if he was ready to come to Heaven. St. Vianney replied: “Oh, Lord, surely it is Heaven enough for me to stay here on earth, saying Mass and suffering for the souls in Purgatory.” If I do ever become healed, I would like to do something really nice in honor of the Jesuit Martyrs of North America. Of course only God knows what the future holds, but doing something like that seems like it would be “heaven on earth” to me.

Opinions by blog authors do not necessarily represent the views of Corpus Christi Watershed.

Filed Under: Articles Last Updated: January 1, 2020

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Jeff Ostrowski

About Jeff Ostrowski

Jeff Ostrowski holds his B.M. in Music Theory from the University of Kansas (2004). He resides with his wife and children in Los Angeles.—(Read full biography).

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Corpus Christi Watershed

Quick Thoughts

4 March 2021 • Can you spare 15 seconds?

Due to Covid-19, California has basically been under “lock down” for 11 months, and these restrictions have had quite a detrimental effect on our choral programs. We are frequently limited to just 2-3 singers, on account of regulations by the government and our Archdiocese. However, although the number of singers is quite small, I was struck by the beauty of the singing last Sunday. Listen to this 15-second live excerpt and see if you agree?

—Jeff Ostrowski
3 March 2021 • “A policeman” — really?

According to Monsignor Frederick R. McManus, there were “policemen” serving the Sanhedrin in the time of Our Blessed Lord. Look at this awful translation in the 1966 “Saint Andrew Bible Missal” from 1966. Yuck!

—Jeff Ostrowski
Surprising Popularity!

One of our most popular downloads has proven to be the organ accompaniment to “The Monastery Hymnal” (131 pages). This book was compiled, arranged, and edited by Achille P. Bragers, who studied at the Lemmensinstituut (Belgium) about thirty years before that school produced the NOH. Bragers might be considered an example of Belgium “Stile Antico” whereas Flor Peeters and Jules Van Nuffel represented Belgium “Prima Pratica.” You can download the hymnal by Bragers at this link.

—Jeff Ostrowski

Random Quote

“The Catholic Church holds it better for the sun and moon to drop from heaven, for the earth to fail, and for all the many millions on it to die of starvation in extremest agony, as far as temporal affliction goes, than that one soul, I will not say, should be lost, but should commit one single venial sin, should tell one willful untruth, or should steal one poor farthing without excuse.”

— Saint John Henry Newman (1865)

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