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Jesus said to them: “I have come into this world so that a sentence may fall upon it, that those who are blind should see, and those who see should become blind. If you were blind, you would not be guilty. It is because you protest, ‘We can see clearly,’ that you cannot be rid of your guilt.”

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Views from the Choir Loft

I Have No Idea How to Solve this Problem

Richard J. Clark · July 3, 2015

DILEMMA FOR PARENTS that has resurfaced many times is how to manage raising children in the faith while working for the Church. It is a question a few of us have addressed on this blog. The hours, which require being absent for weekends and evenings poses a challenge, one that is the antithesis of involved parenting. It is an irony.

Before having children, the unusual hours of musician and Church life were easier to accommodate. In fact, I preferred it. But children lock us into very tight schedules, as they thrive on regularity. Do you have a late night rehearsal? You won’t see your young children when you get home, as they’ll be asleep. And you’ll be up at 5 a.m. the next day no matter what. No sleeping in to recover. Then one gets sick frequently because of these patterns. I don’t have an answer. I’ve never done this before. Welcome to being a parent.

Are you responsible for seven or eight services and multiple choirs on the weekend, which includes a Sunday evening mass? This is a recipe for missing a lot in your children’s life. This is something I have struggled mightily with. It has also saddened me a great deal from time to time. My children and my wife are used to it, but that is small consolation.

As a father of three young children working two church jobs, one of them full-time, I can announce today that I still have absolutely no idea how to figure this problem out. I have no solutions. Not one. But I have some observations, experiences and some hope.


OUR SPOUSES ARE HEROES

My wife is what you may call a “church widow.” She takes care of the kids all by herself all weekend long, sometimes up to twenty hours worth. She deals with all the kids at mass by herself—not easy with toddlers. For logistical reasons, they often attend mass at a different parish than where I work. As such, we are cut off even more from each other. So praying together—or exposing them to good sacred music is a rarity and something very special to all of us. (This is another cruel irony.)

Thank your supportive spouses. I tell everyone my wife is holding down the real job while I go to work “to get some rest.”


GUARD YOUR FAMILY TIME JEALOUSLY

Nothing gets in the way of family time. Nothing. I am very inflexible in this regard. Sometimes this rubs others the wrong way. They don’t understand. That’s going to have to suffice. I can’t afford to be away from my children any more than I already am.


UNDERSTAND WHAT TO EXPECT (OR NOT) WITH VERY YOUNG CHILDREN

It is close to impossible to expect a prayerful experience at Mass with young children or toddlers. It’s not going to happen. Give it up. Trade off attending mass alone with your spouse if you can. If you can’t God understands. If you get a few seconds worth of prayerful peace, you are truly blessed. If you don’t, you are even more blessed. Remember that.


GET CREATIVE

We are musicians, are we not? When handed limitations, get creative. This sounds like great advice, doesn’t it? I’m still thinking of ways to get creative. I’m having trouble. One success was when my five-year-old son began to cry when I had to go to work early on Holy Saturday. They had barely seen me all week. Now it was the holiest night of the year. He started crying when I had to leave again, and it broke my heart. He had had enough.

So I did something I would not usually dream of doing. I brought him and his seven-year-old sister into work with me. I kept them busy “helping” me with different tasks while I could actually get some things done. Heck, they actually helped me for real. I got them to set up chairs and carry binders while they still think it’s fun! I was thinking brilliantly on my toes. I miraculously got some practicing done and asked them to tell me which registrations sounded better to keep them involved. I was in the zone.

Their mother picked them up a couple of hours later—they’d be asleep before the Easter Vigil even began. But they left having had a huge amount of fun because of them being with daddy at work and in the choir loft and helping with the pipe organ.

This impromptu experience created an everlasting memory for them. I entered the Vigil with my heart full and grateful to God for having such first-class problems.


BE ATTENTIVE TO THEIR INTERESTS

As they start getting a little older, be attentive to their interests—musical, spiritual or otherwise. My children have two parents who are musicians, so the genetic inclination towards music and prayer is inevitable. So, it will become easier to expose them and involve them in my work. I’m going to have to if I want to see them more. (As my mother once said, “If you want to see my son, you have to go to church.”) But I don’t want to push music on them. I hope I can be as attentive and insightful to their other interests.

Of late my son’s intellectual curiosity regarding music and church is exploding. Now, that’s something I can help with, Deo gratias! But in any regard, I’m learning to take the lead of all my children, to encourage any and all interests, while guiding and nourishing them spiritually and intellectually. They ask lots of questions, sometimes difficult ones. I thank God for this.


BE DARING

I finally got up the nerve to take my five and seven year old to mass I was directing and playing without my wife. The celebrant was none other than Cardinal Seán Patrick O’Malley, O.F.M. Cap. My wife thought I was crazy. Maybe this wasn’t the best mass to fly solo with them. But I was determined. “I think they’ll be ok!” I said out loud, agreeing with my wife inside my head.

Alone, they behave at Mass beautifully, but they are so close that together they conspire against us as partners in crime. Fortunately, I was working with the extraordinary Marc DeMille, who is also a patient and understanding father himself. (By the way, his Graduale Romanum is so worn out, the cover makes for an excellent bookmark.)

Ideally, I thought they would be exposed to a reverent mass with excellent preaching. The music of chant, propers, and hymns would be dignified. Hopefully, my children would leave “edified and sanctified,” I’m not sure if that actually happened. I’m pretty sure they didn’t pay much attention to the homily or the readings. Fortunately, they kept their giggling during mass somewhat to a minimum—of course this usually happened when I was playing and could do nothing about it. At one point they slowly crept up on the organ bench beside me in the middle of a hymn (pictured below). As such, I could react in one of two ways: Chastise them (and probably mess up the hymn and risk making the situation worse) or laugh to myself and be glad they love me. I fortunately chose the latter.

But they were with their daddy at Mass and watching me work, which they love. My heart was filled with joy and love. So was theirs. This meant more to them and to me than anyone will ever know.

Photo courtesy of George M. Martell, Manager of Digital Communications and New Media, Archdiocese of Boston

Opinions by blog authors do not necessarily represent the views of Corpus Christi Watershed.

Filed Under: Articles Last Updated: January 1, 2020

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About Richard J. Clark

Richard J. Clark is the Director of Music of the Archdiocese of Boston and the Cathedral of the Holy Cross.—(Read full biography).

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Corpus Christi Watershed

President’s Corner

    “Music List” • 4th Sunday of Easter (Year C)
    Some have expressed interest in perusing the ORDER OF MUSIC I prepared for the 4th Sunday of Easter (11 May 2025). If such a thing interests you, feel free to download it as a PDF file. I don’t know a more gorgeous ENTRANCE CHANT than the one given there: Misericórdia Dómini Plena Est Terra.
    —Jeff Ostrowski
    “Entrance Chant” • 4th Sunday of Easter
    You can download the ENTRANCE ANTIPHON in English for the 4th Sunday of Easter (11 May 2025). Corresponding to the vocalist score is this free organ accompaniment. The English adaptation matches the authentic version (Misericórdia Dómini), which is in a somber yet gorgeous mode. If you’re someone who enjoys rehearsal videos, this morning I tried to sing it while simultaneously accompanying my voice on the pipe organ.
    —Jeff Ostrowski
    Music List • “Repertoire for Weddings”
    Not everyone thinks about sacred music 24/7 like we do. When couples are getting married, they often request “suggestions” or “guidance” or a “template” for their musical selections. I created this music list with repertoire suggestions for Catholic weddings. Please feel free to download it if you believe it might give you some ideas or inspiration.
    —Jeff Ostrowski

Quick Thoughts

    Antiphons Don’t Match?
    A reader wants to know why the Entrance and Communion antiphons in certain publications deviate from what’s prescribed by the GRADUALE ROMANUM published after Vatican II. Click here to read our answer. The short answer is: the Adalbert Propers were never intended to be sung. They were intended for private Masses only (or Masses without music). The “Graduale Parvum,” published by the John Henry Newman Institute of Liturgical Music in 2023, mostly uses the Adalbert Propers—but sometimes uses the GRADUALE text: e.g. Solemnity of Saints Peter and Paul (29 June).
    —Corpus Christi Watershed
    When to Sit, Stand and Kneel like it’s 1962
    There are lots of different guides to postures for Mass, but I couldn’t find one which matched our local Latin Mass, so I made this one: sit-stand-kneel-crop
    —Veronica Brandt
    The Funeral Rites of the Graduale Romanum
    Lately I have been paging through the 1974 Graduale Romanum (see p. 678 ff.) and have been fascinated by the funeral rites found therein, especially the simply-beautiful Psalmody that is appointed for all the different occasions before and after the funeral Mass: at the vigil/wake, at the house of the deceased, processing to the church, at the church, processing to the cemetery, and at the cemetery. Would that this “stational Psalmody” of the Novus Ordo funeral rites saw wider usage! If you or anyone you know have ever used it, please do let me know.
    —Daniel Tucker

Random Quote

Let us ponder the incontrovertible fact that Eucharistic Adoration in the Ordinary Form (“Novus Ordo”) is always and everywhere celebrated “ad orientem.” Why, then, is there such opposition to Mass being celebrated in that way, which is actually stipulated by the 1970 Missal rubrics?

— A Benedictine Monk (2013)

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