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Views from the Choir Loft

Quick Takes: Saying No

Andrew R. Motyka · January 15, 2014

UST BECAUSE you shouldn’t be indiscriminate about which arguments you are willing to go to the wall for doesn’t mean that you should never take a stand for principle. I had a conversation with several music directors yesterday about funeral preparation, and the conversation naturally had a sidebar about funerals, weddings, and how to turn down a request from a family.

Naturally, both situations are fraught with peril. On one hand, with funerals you have a grieving family that doesn’t need extra trouble while planning a liturgy for the death of their loved one. On the other hand, you have an angry bride or (shudder) her mother. Nevertheless, sometimes you have to put your foot down and say, “I’m sorry, but perhaps ‘My Humps’ isn’t the best choice we can make for your bridal procession.” Here are some things to keep in mind, my brave fellow director:

1. Be clear that you’re saying no. Here’s a trap I’ve fallen into before. I try to let a bride down gently regarding her choice for a particular piece of music, but what she really hears is, “It isn’t the best choice, but I’ll do it anyway.” When you say No, make sure that it is understood that you really aren’t going to do it.

2. Offer an alternative. It stinks to be in the position of Gatekeeper of the Liturgy, and it also stinks to be on the receiving end, where a bride or family has suggestions that have genuine connections for them, but they feel like they are just trying to get past the censors. Every time you say no, counter with a suggestion and, most importantly, explain why your suggestion fits better without attacking theirs. If you say No, but provide a way out, it’s often all that is needed to diffuse the situation.

3. Take the opportunity to teach. Often, the people with whom we are discussing such matters are people who have not been to Mass in a long time; sometimes they aren’t Catholic at all. Even if they are, usually all they know about liturgical music is that they like That Song and really want it at “their liturgy.” This can be a great opportunity to teach a bit about liturgy, solemnity, and the dignity of our worship. Sometimes they won’t listen, and sometimes (like in the case of a funeral) you have to use your best judgment to determine what will sink in at this particular moment. Once again, many of these problems arise because they just don’t know.

I am currently trying to absorb as much as I can about this skill. Our archdiocesan Director of Worship is the master here. He can not only steer people away from bad choices, but can make them feel like a million dollars while following his guidelines. The trick is to avoid making them feel silly while gently guiding them in the right direction.

And don’t even meet with the mothers.

Opinions by blog authors do not necessarily represent the views of Corpus Christi Watershed.

Filed Under: Articles Last Updated: January 1, 2020

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About Andrew R. Motyka

Andrew Motyka is the Archdiocesan Director of Liturgical Music and Cathedral Music for the Archdiocese of Indianapolis.—(Read full biography).

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Corpus Christi Watershed

Quick Thoughts

    Hymn by Cardinal Newman
    During the season of Septuagesima, we will be using this hymn by Cardinal Newman, which employs both Latin and English. (Readers probably know that Cardinal Newman was one of the world's experts when it comes to Lingua Latina.) The final verse contains a beautiful soprano descant. Father Louis Bouyer—famous theologian, close friend of Pope Paul VI, and architect of post-conciliar reforms—wrote thus vis-à-vis the elimination of Septuagesima: “I prefer to say nothing, or very little, about the new calendar, the handiwork of a trio of maniacs who suppressed (with no good reason) Septuagesima and the Octave of Pentecost and who scattered three quarters of the Saints higgledy-piddledy, all based on notions of their own devising!”
    —Jeff Ostrowski
    Introit • Candlemas (2 February)
    “Candlemas” • Our choir sang on February 2nd, and here's a live recording of the beautiful INTROIT: Suscépimus Deus. We had very little time to rehearse, but I think it has some very nice moments. I promise that by the 8th Sunday after Pentecost it will be perfect! (That Introit is repeated on the 8th Sunday after Pentecost.) We still need to improve, but we're definitely on the right track!
    —Jeff Ostrowski
    Simplified Antiphons • “Candlemas”
    Anyone who desires simplified antiphons (“psalm tone versions”) for 2 February, the Feast of the Purification—which is also known as “Candlemas” or the Feast of the Presentation—may freely download them. The texts of the antiphons are quite beautiful. From “Lumen Ad Revelatiónem Géntium” you can hear a live excerpt (Mp3). I'm not a fan of chant in octaves, but we had such limited time to rehearse, it seemed the best choice. After all, everyone should have an opportunity to learn “Lumen Ad Revelatiónem Géntium,” which summarizes Candlemas.
    —Jeff Ostrowski

Random Quote

“The choir shall henceforth sing or say no anthems of our Lady or other Saints, but only of our Lord, and then not in Latin; but choosing out the best and most sounding to Christian religion they shall turn the same into English, setting thereunto a plain and distinct note for every syllable one: they shall sing them and none other.”

— 1548 Edict of King Edward VI (a heretic) for Lincoln Cathedral

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