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Views from the Choir Loft

Composing Saves My Life

Richard J. Clark · May 20, 2016

OMETIMES I HAVE a lot on my mind. We all do. All the time. Sometimes prayer is hard to come by—even when we are in church all the time. (Present in body, but the spirit is asleep like the apostles at Gethsemane.)

There are struggles that preoccupy our lives. There are crosses to bear—crosses unique to each one of us. Interestingly, those crosses are the very things that God calls us to carry in order to serve him better.

Then I look at the crosses others must carry and I realize mine is but a feather. It gives me more than enough strength to carry on. It had better.

As if that was not enough, at discouraging moments, I am pleasantly surprised by sudden opportunities to compose something new, and see it through to the end. As a father of four and working two church jobs, having ample time to compose is something of a miracle. Miracles do happen, and they routinely save my life. For nothing awakens my soul or me happier than composing.

UT COMPOSING IS A HUGE STRUGGLE for me. It is not a blissful, rapturous process. The image of composers in a trance is total garbage—at least it is for me. When I begin writing, the music is dreadful. Horrible. A colossal waste of your time. Perhaps it is complete hubris that I can come up with something of value. Then by sheer will I chip away at the wretched dumpster fire of incongruence on the page. But there is a sense of purpose—a sense of deep longing. I keep faith that frustration and futility is part of the process. Slowly one or two hopeful elements emerge. Maybe one or two more will follow. And so on.

Here is the purpose that languidly surfaces with each revised note: Composing is a form of prayer. It is a form of service to God, the Church, and if we are fortunate, to humanity. It points to something greater and not to oneself. I hope.

This week, I’ve been fortunate to dig into some projects in the midst of some professional and personal interruptions. It is a joyful reminder that God is at the very center of my life. He is in charge of it all. Not me. For this I am relieved and grateful, because If I’m in charge, my soul would look like the veritable dumpster fire that are my initial drafts of composition. Like the creative process, the purification and refinement of one’s souls is a process too.

I have some work to do. So do you. God calls and sustains you because he loves you.

Soli Deo gloria

Opinions by blog authors do not necessarily represent the views of Corpus Christi Watershed.

Filed Under: Articles Last Updated: January 1, 2020

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Richard J. Clark

About Richard J. Clark

Richard J. Clark is the Director of Music of the Archdiocese of Boston and the Cathedral of the Holy Cross.—(Read full biography).

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Corpus Christi Watershed

Quick Thoughts

Surprising Popularity!

One of our most popular downloads has proven to be the organ accompaniment to “The Monastery Hymnal” (131 pages). This book was compiled, arranged, and edited by Achille P. Bragers, who studied at the Lemmensinstituut (Belgium) about thirty years before that school produced the NOH. Bragers might be considered an example of Belgium “Stile Antico” whereas Flor Peeters and Jules Van Nuffel represented Belgium “Prima Pratica.” You can download the hymnal by Bragers at this link.

—Jeff Ostrowski
15 February 2021 • To Capitalize…?

In the Introit for the 6th Sunday after Pentecost, there is a question regarding whether to capitalize the word “christi.” The Vulgata does not, because Psalm 27 is not specifically referring to Our Lord, but rather to God’s “anointed one.” However, Missals tend to capitalize it, such as the official 1962 Missal and also a book from 1777 called Missel de Paris. Something tells me Monsignor Knox would not capitalize it.

—Jeff Ostrowski
15 February 2021 • “Sung vs. Spoken”

We have spoken quite a bit about “sung vs. spoken” antiphons. We have also noted that the texts of the Graduale Romanum sometimes don’t match the Missal texts (in the Extraordinary Form) because the Mass Propers are older than Saint Jerome’s Vulgate, and sometimes came from the ITALA versions of Sacred Scripture. On occasion, the Missal itself doesn’t match the Vulgate—cf. the Introit “Esto Mihi.” The Vulgate has: “Esto mihi in Deum protectórem et in domum refúgii…” but the Missal and Graduale Romanum use “Esto mihi in Deum protectórem et in locum refúgii…” The 1970s “spoken propers” use the traditional version, as you can see.

—Jeff Ostrowski

Random Quote

“Chants closely related to the readings should, of course, be appropriately transferred for use with these readings. For pastoral reasons also there is an option regarding the chants for the Proper of Seasons: namely, as circumstances suggest, to replace the text proper to a day with another text belonging to the same season.”

— Ordo Cantus Missae (1971)

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