• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Corpus Christi Watershed

“What earlier generations held as sacred, remains sacred and great for us too…” Pope Benedict XVI (7 July 2007)

  • About
  • Symposium
  • Hymnal
  • Jogues Missal
  • Site Map
  • Donate
Views from the Choir Loft

Weddings: Some Practical Advice – Introduction

Andrew R. Motyka · August 20, 2014

HATE WEDDINGS. There. I said it. It’s not that I’m an unromantic grouch who hates love and happiness and puppies. It’s that I look at most wedding liturgies and think about how much better they could be, how much symbolism is already packed into the Nuptial Mass and completely missed because of silly accretions and omissions.

Yes, I know. Ranting doesn’t serve anyone, and it does nothing to fix the problem. Before I dive headfirst into a series of wedding advice for both musicians and married-couples-to-be alike, though, it would be helpful if we could identify what the problem is with most Catholic weddings. It goes beyond simple ignoring of the rubrics or bad choices of music. I can get both of those things at a normal Sunday Mass without having to buy a gift. The primary obstacle to good worship at most Catholic wedding Masses is the American wedding industry.

Is there a “wedding industry?” Only if you consider a business that racks up $40 billion a year an industry. Just think of your “average” wedding. It costs over $28 thousand. That’s more than a new car and a down payment on a small house for mostly frivolous things that won’t last longer than the day. We have made a huge business out of spending money for useless additions to weddings and pushed aside any preparation for actual marriage.

The over-planned, over-spent wedding contributes to many of the oddities and distractions that inhabit the usual bad wedding. You spent several thousand dollars on dresses and suits, so you had better have the equivalent of a fashion show runway as your procession. You opened one of your six different wedding planning books and saw a list of music in there that you listened to on YouTube, and I just love Canon in D so much. You just can’t choose between your multitude of friends, you popular person you, and now you have nine bridesmaids (and groomsmen) in the sanctuary with you.

None of these things is truly bad, per se (except Canon in D. Screw that piece), but the emphasis on all of these absolutely insignificant details (that all cost lots and lots of money) draw the focus of both the couple and the congregation away from what really matters. Do you need a test to see if you’re ready for your big wedding day? Answer one question. It’s not “What color are the bridesmaids wearing?” It’s not “How long is this ceremony so we can get to the reception?” It’s not “Where is the photographer, videographer, and the other photographer allowed to stand?”

The Are you ready? question is:

Can you recite your wedding vow right now? It’s three sentences; it’s not long or hard. This is a commitment you are about to make, a bond for the rest of your life. You should know what you are promising. If you can’t remember that, you are not ready, no matter how awesome the bagpiper that’s going to play the recessional is.

You don’t need anything else. Heck, did you know that you don’t even need to have a special Mass, that you could get married at your parish on a Sunday (if your pastor allowed it, and he should)? You don’t need to spend thousands on costumes and whatnot. This is a sacrament, a celebration of the Universal Church. It is not Your Big Day. The Mass is most certainly not Your Celebration any more than it is mine, except in a corporate sense.

What ends up happening is that because the culture, television, and the wedding industry have convinced us that “this is what you need for a wedding,” and we have bought it, it alienates people who don’t want or can’t afford all that. The Catholic marrying a Protestant who is already a little shaky on their faith might just throw his hands up and get married down at the JP. The poor couple who can’t afford even a fraction of the (let’s not forget) $28 thousand wedding might just choose not to get married at all. That is what happens when you make image more important than content.

There’s hope, however. It is possible to have a Catholic wedding Mass that actually looks like a Mass and might even contain a reference or two to God along the way. It is possible to have a beautiful, edifying liturgy that is truly reflective of God’s plan for marriage and gives a good starting point for what is truly only the beginning of a vocational sacrament. I hope I can offer some helpful advice in the coming weeks, giving some tidbits of what the liturgy actually calls for and what, in my experience, works best in these cases.

So here it is. Now that I’ve settled the problem of The Wedding Industry and everyone agrees with me about what is good and what is not about weddings, we can move on to details of making the wedding liturgy better. For these and more delusions, tune in next week!


Series by Andrew R. Motyka:   “Weddings: Some Practical Advice”

FIRST PART • Introduction

SECOND PART • The Very Beginning, Part 1

THIRD PART • The End Of The Beginning, Part 2

FOURTH PART • Word and Vows

Stay tuned for more additions!

Opinions by blog authors do not necessarily represent the views of Corpus Christi Watershed.

Filed Under: Articles Tagged With: Catholic Wedding Nuptial Mass Music, Nuptial Mass Last Updated: January 1, 2020

Subscribe to the CCW Mailing List

About Andrew R. Motyka

Andrew Motyka is the Archdiocesan Director of Liturgical Music and Cathedral Music for the Archdiocese of Indianapolis.—(Read full biography).

Primary Sidebar

Corpus Christi Watershed

Quick Thoughts

19 May 2022 • “Trochee Trouble”

I’m still trying to decide how to visually present the “pure” Editio Vaticana scores, using what is (technically) the official rhythm of the Church. You can download my latest attempt, for this coming Sunday. Notice the “trochee trouble” as well as the old issue of neumes before the quilisma.

—Jeff Ostrowski
16 May 2022 • Harmonized Chant?

This year’s upcoming Sacred Music Symposium will demonstrate several ways to sing the CREDO at Mass. This is because—for many parishes—to sing a full-length polyphonic CREDO by Victoria or Palestrina is out of the question. Therefore, we show options that are halfway between plainsong and polyphony. You can hear my choir rehearsing a section that sounds like harmonized plainsong.

—Jeff Ostrowski
14 May 2022 • “Pure” Vatican Edition

As readers know, my choir has been singing from the “pure” Editio Vaticana. That is to say, the official rhythm which—technically—is the only rhythm allowed by the Church. I haven’t figured out how I want the scores to look, so in the meantime we’ve been using temporary scores that look like this. Stay tuned!

—Jeff Ostrowski

Random Quote

“I am of the opinion, to be sure, that the old rite should be granted much more generously to all those who desire it. It’s impossible to see what could be dangerous or unacceptable about that. A community is calling its very being into question when it suddenly declares that what until now was its holiest and highest possession is strictly forbidden and when it makes the longing for it seem downright indecent.”

— Cardinal Ratzinger, 1997

Recent Posts

  • PDF Download • “A Canon Choirs Love!”
  • On Mistakes (Part I of II)
  • 19 May 2022 • “Trochee Trouble”
  • “Gregorian Chant Not In Danger Pope Tells French”
  • PDF Download • “O Salutaris” (Modern Setting)

Copyright © 2022 Corpus Christi Watershed · Gabriel Lalemant on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

Corpus Christi Watershed is a 501(c)3 public charity dedicated to exploring and embodying as our calling the relationship of religion, culture, and the arts. This non-profit organization employs the creative media in service of theology, the Church, and Christian culture for the enrichment and enjoyment of the public.