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Views from the Choir Loft

Weddings: Some Practical Advice – Introduction

Andrew R. Motyka · August 20, 2014

HATE WEDDINGS. There. I said it. It’s not that I’m an unromantic grouch who hates love and happiness and puppies. It’s that I look at most wedding liturgies and think about how much better they could be, how much symbolism is already packed into the Nuptial Mass and completely missed because of silly accretions and omissions.

Yes, I know. Ranting doesn’t serve anyone, and it does nothing to fix the problem. Before I dive headfirst into a series of wedding advice for both musicians and married-couples-to-be alike, though, it would be helpful if we could identify what the problem is with most Catholic weddings. It goes beyond simple ignoring of the rubrics or bad choices of music. I can get both of those things at a normal Sunday Mass without having to buy a gift. The primary obstacle to good worship at most Catholic wedding Masses is the American wedding industry.

Is there a “wedding industry?” Only if you consider a business that racks up $40 billion a year an industry. Just think of your “average” wedding. It costs over $28 thousand. That’s more than a new car and a down payment on a small house for mostly frivolous things that won’t last longer than the day. We have made a huge business out of spending money for useless additions to weddings and pushed aside any preparation for actual marriage.

The over-planned, over-spent wedding contributes to many of the oddities and distractions that inhabit the usual bad wedding. You spent several thousand dollars on dresses and suits, so you had better have the equivalent of a fashion show runway as your procession. You opened one of your six different wedding planning books and saw a list of music in there that you listened to on YouTube, and I just love Canon in D so much. You just can’t choose between your multitude of friends, you popular person you, and now you have nine bridesmaids (and groomsmen) in the sanctuary with you.

None of these things is truly bad, per se (except Canon in D. Screw that piece), but the emphasis on all of these absolutely insignificant details (that all cost lots and lots of money) draw the focus of both the couple and the congregation away from what really matters. Do you need a test to see if you’re ready for your big wedding day? Answer one question. It’s not “What color are the bridesmaids wearing?” It’s not “How long is this ceremony so we can get to the reception?” It’s not “Where is the photographer, videographer, and the other photographer allowed to stand?”

The Are you ready? question is:

Can you recite your wedding vow right now? It’s three sentences; it’s not long or hard. This is a commitment you are about to make, a bond for the rest of your life. You should know what you are promising. If you can’t remember that, you are not ready, no matter how awesome the bagpiper that’s going to play the recessional is.

You don’t need anything else. Heck, did you know that you don’t even need to have a special Mass, that you could get married at your parish on a Sunday (if your pastor allowed it, and he should)? You don’t need to spend thousands on costumes and whatnot. This is a sacrament, a celebration of the Universal Church. It is not Your Big Day. The Mass is most certainly not Your Celebration any more than it is mine, except in a corporate sense.

What ends up happening is that because the culture, television, and the wedding industry have convinced us that “this is what you need for a wedding,” and we have bought it, it alienates people who don’t want or can’t afford all that. The Catholic marrying a Protestant who is already a little shaky on their faith might just throw his hands up and get married down at the JP. The poor couple who can’t afford even a fraction of the (let’s not forget) $28 thousand wedding might just choose not to get married at all. That is what happens when you make image more important than content.

There’s hope, however. It is possible to have a Catholic wedding Mass that actually looks like a Mass and might even contain a reference or two to God along the way. It is possible to have a beautiful, edifying liturgy that is truly reflective of God’s plan for marriage and gives a good starting point for what is truly only the beginning of a vocational sacrament. I hope I can offer some helpful advice in the coming weeks, giving some tidbits of what the liturgy actually calls for and what, in my experience, works best in these cases.

So here it is. Now that I’ve settled the problem of The Wedding Industry and everyone agrees with me about what is good and what is not about weddings, we can move on to details of making the wedding liturgy better. For these and more delusions, tune in next week!


Series by Andrew R. Motyka:   “Weddings: Some Practical Advice”

FIRST PART • Introduction

SECOND PART • The Very Beginning, Part 1

THIRD PART • The End Of The Beginning, Part 2

FOURTH PART • Word and Vows

Stay tuned for more additions!

Opinions by blog authors do not necessarily represent the views of Corpus Christi Watershed.

Filed Under: Articles Tagged With: Catholic Wedding Nuptial Mass Music, Nuptial Mass Last Updated: January 1, 2020

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About Andrew R. Motyka

Andrew Motyka is the Archdiocesan Director of Liturgical Music and Cathedral Music for the Archdiocese of Indianapolis.—(Read full biography).

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Corpus Christi Watershed

President’s Corner

    Luis Martínez Must Go!
    Sevilla Cathedral (entry dated 13 December 1564): The chapter orders Luis Martínez, a cathedral chaplain, to stay away from the choirbook-stand when the rest of the singers gather around it to sing polyphony—the reason being that “he throws the others out of tune.” [Excerpt from “The Life of Father Francisco Guerrero.”]
    —Jeff Ostrowski
    Urgent! • We Desperately Need Funds!
    A few days ago, the president of Corpus Christi Watershed posted this urgent appeal for funds. Please help us make sure we’re never forced to place our content behind a paywall. We feel it’s crucial that 100% of our content remains free to everyone. We’re a tiny 501(c)3 public charity, entirely dependent upon the generosity of small donors. We have no endowment and no major donors. We run no advertisements and have no savings. We beg you to consider donating $4.00 per month. Thank you!
    —Jeff Ostrowski
    “Booklet of Eucharistic Hymns” (16 pages)
    I was asked to create a booklet for my parish to use during our CORPUS CHRISTI PROCESSION on 22 June 2025. Would you be willing to look over the DRAFT BOOKLET (16 pages) I came up with? I tried to include a variety of hymns: some have a refrain; some are in major, others in minor; some are metered, others are plainsong; some are in Spanish, some are in Latin, but most are in English. Normally, we’d use the Brébeuf Hymnal—but we can’t risk having our congregation carry those heavy books all over the city to various churches.
    —Jeff Ostrowski

Quick Thoughts

    Pope Pius XII Hymnal?
    Have you ever heard of the Pope Pius XII Hymnal? It’s a real book, published in the United States in 1959. Here’s a sample page so you can verify with your own eyes it existed.
    —Corpus Christi Watershed
    “Hybrid” Chant Notation?
    Over the years, many have tried to ‘simplify’ plainsong notation. The O’Fallon Propers attempted to simplify the notation—but ended up making matters worse. Dr. Karl Weinmann tried to do the same in the time of Pope Saint Pius X by replacing each porrectus. You can examine a specimen from his edition and see whether you agree he complicated matters. In particular, look at what he did with éxsules fílii Hévae.
    —Corpus Christi Watershed
    Antiphons Don’t Match?
    A reader wants to know why the Entrance and Communion antiphons in certain publications deviate from what’s prescribed by the GRADUALE ROMANUM published after Vatican II. Click here to read our answer. The short answer is: the Adalbert Propers were never intended to be sung. They were intended for private Masses only (or Masses without music). The “Graduale Parvum,” published by the John Henry Newman Institute of Liturgical Music in 2023, mostly uses the Adalbert Propers—but sometimes uses the GRADUALE text: e.g. Solemnity of Saints Peter and Paul (29 June).
    —Corpus Christi Watershed

Random Quote

“Every experienced choirmaster’s work is founded on the following three axioms: (1) Few boys have a really good natural voice; (2) No boy is able to control his voice and produce good tone without training; (3) Most boys have a good ear, and considerable imitative capacity. It is on the last of these axioms that the choirmaster must begin his work.”

— Sir Richard Runciman Terry (1912)

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