About this blogger:
Ronda Chervin received a Ph.D. in Philosophy from Fordham University and an MA in Religious Studies from Notre Dame Apostolic Institute. A widow, mother, and grandmother, she currently teaches philosophy at Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Cromwell, Connecticut. Write to her at chervinronda@gmail.com.
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“I still haven’t made up my mind whether I shall publish it all. Some people are so humorless, so uncharitable, and so absurdly wrong-headed, that one would probably do far better to relax and enjoy life than worry oneself to death trying to instruct or entertain a public which will only despise one’s efforts, or at least feel no gratitude for them. Most readers know nothing about canon law. Many regard it with contempt and find everything heavy going that isn’t completely lowbrow. Some are so grimly serious that they disapprove of all humor. Others come to different conclusions every time they stand up or sit down. They seize upon your publications, as a wrestler seizes upon his opponent’s hair, and use them to drag you down, while they themselves remain quite invulnerable, because their barren pates are completely bald, so there’s nothing for you to get hold of.”
— St. Thomas More to Peter Gilles, 1516

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More on Conflict
published 14 June 2013 by Dr. Ronda Chervin

A few blogs ago I wrote about Karen Horney on conflict. Here is an e-mail I got from a blog-viewer who is a pastoral counselor using Cognitive Behavioral therapy methods:

“Here is one example of the steps that a Cognitive Behavioral therapist might use in addressing conflict or anger management:

1. Help the client identify the stimuli or triggers in his life that typically cause conflict, like anger or a related emotional response.

2. Help the client to learn and rehearse self-statements that he can use at the very moment he notices the presence of the stimuli and the conflict response beginning to happen so that – by use of these mental statements (cognitions) – the circumstance can be reframed in order that his response is no longer one of conflict, but becomes a healthier and more socially acceptable one (e.g., the person could say “This isn’t so bad, I can manage it.” or “This really isn’t important, so I don’t need to lose my temper because of it” etc.).

3. Help the client to learn relaxation techniques – both mental and physical – that he can use along with the rehearsed cognitions when he experiences the stimuli that usually results in a conflict response.

4. Help the client practice the above in a safe setting (e.g., the therapist’s office) so that he learns the techniques and can use them whenever needed as circumstances arise in real life. This is usually done through practice sessions in which guided imagery and role-playing are utilized to initiate a conflict response (or as close as one can get in an imagined setting) in which the client can then practice the techniques until they become almost second nature.

If you are reading this but not wanting or able to find such a therapist, I think we could get a better handle on conflict by pondering these steps. They correspond very well to Recovery, International for anger, anxiety and depression that I participate in. For more information google them. I am an assistant leader on an on-line meeting that is 9 PM EST and 6 PM Pacific time Tuesdays in case on-line is a better option than their world-wide face to face meetings described on this web.