About this blogger:
Ronda Chervin received a Ph.D. in Philosophy from Fordham University and an MA in Religious Studies from Notre Dame Apostolic Institute. A widow, mother, and grandmother, she currently teaches philosophy at Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Cromwell, Connecticut. Write to her at chervinronda@gmail.com.
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“I vividly remember going to church with him in Bournemouth. He was a devout Roman Catholic and it was soon after the Church had changed the liturgy (from Latin to English). My grandfather obviously didn't agree with this and made all the responses very loudly in Latin while the rest of the congregation answered in English. I found the whole experience quite excruciating, but my grandfather was oblivious. He simply had to do what he believed to be right.”
— Simon Tolkien (2003)

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When Upset, Ask Questions
published 30 June 2011 by Dr. Ronda Chervin

I am visiting my daughter, Diana, who does computer management training programs. I was telling her a long story about a conflict. My purpose was mainly to vent, but she decided to turn it into a teaching moment. She had me role play the person who I was planning to rant at while she pretended to be me. After I did it my angry way, she talked to me about the negative effects this could have and then had me have a conversation with the same person asking questions instead of delivering speeches.

I soon realized that this fits in with my “New Way” work on talking less. Instead of a fifteen minute diatribe about why I was upset, I was able to write an e-mail simply asking my victimizer what he thought about the conflictual scene.

For those of you who read A New Way which debuted on June 2nd as a blog, I will tell you it is going very well. In Seattle where I talked about it, the pastoral staff had to keep leaving the hall to make extra copies. Tracking my speech patterns and speaking less exteriorily and interiorily had yielded many insights. For example, in general, not in the above instance, when I plan to talk less I am less angry. How do? Because I am not rehearsing in my head vitriolic come-backs.

Read more blog entries by Dr. Ronda by visiting RONDAVIEW. Dr. Ronda Chervin has many free e-books and audios on her website rondachervin.com. If you go to her website and read or listen and then want to correspond with her she will be available. Her schedule does not permit, however, responding to comments on the Blog, though she enjoys reading them. Dr. Ronda’s newest project is spiritualityrunningtogod.com.