About this blogger:
Ronda Chervin received a Ph.D. in Philosophy from Fordham University and an MA in Religious Studies from Notre Dame Apostolic Institute. A widow, mother, and grandmother, she currently teaches philosophy at Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Cromwell, Connecticut. Write to her at chervinronda@gmail.com.
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“It was a riveting adventure to move by degrees into the mysterious world of the Liturgy which was being enacted before us and for us there on the altar. It was becoming more and more clear to me that here I was encountering a reality that no one had simply thought up, a reality that no official authority or great individual had created. […] Not everything was logical. Things sometimes got complicated and it was not always easy to find one’s way. But precisely this is what made the whole edifice wonderful, like one’s own home.”
— Josef Cardinal Ratzinger (“Milestones” pp. 19-20) 1997

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Dependency and Virtue
published 27 June 2011 by Dr. Ronda Chervin

Of course all creatures are dependent on God and on others in a multitude of ways. Inter-dependency on other human persons is inevitable, necessary, and something to be extremely grateful for.

Recently I have been thinking of aspects of dependency for widows. I realize that reliance on friends for sporadic helps as in help on visits or on projects is a totally different thing than living-together situations as in long, long, visits, or in community, or in live-in work situations. This is much more like family with all the pluses and minuses where our virtues and our faults impact one another in a daily, wonderful, and usually also chronically negative way.

I was remembering a long visit, as a widow, with a close friend in an emergency situation. Qualities that only mildly bothered me for tiny visits, I would then want to try to help the person change. The seeming motive would be fraternal correction, but also, of course, it would be that they should change to suit my needs. Mea culpa for the last part!

This is one of the main reasons many widows and widowers don’t want to live with their adult children. Qualities of the adult children and the in-law spouses that are merely amusing or mildly annoying on short visits, become much more taxing in a committed long term situation.

The big question for all the widows I know is the great desire to live in family because of love and that kind of closeness, measured against the desire, instead, to be free of those kind of conflicts, but with the huge minus of loneliness. After 20 years of widowhood, I don’t think this question has any easy answers or final answers until we are so disabled in older, old age that we are happy to be anywhere that is not just awful and, I am told, in consolation, that at a certain age I might not notice anything at all – from semi-coma to the gates of heaven!

See my web rondachervin.com under Widows: Options for Widows for my latest solution.

Read more blog entries by Dr. Ronda by visiting RONDAVIEW.

Dr. Ronda Chervin has many free e-books and audios on her website rondachervin.com. If you go to her website and read or listen and then want to correspond with her she will be available. Her schedule does not permit, however, responding to comments on the Blog, though she enjoys reading them. Dr. Ronda’s newest project is spiritualityrunningtogod.com.